From Victimhood to Responsibility

About ten years ago I facilitated a leadership workshop. After the session, I invited the participants to self-assess their engagement, and they rated themselves a modest three out of ten.
Interestingly this is pretty much what we see in the 2024 Gallup Engagement Report today. The report highlighted a concerning trend in employee engagement, with only 23% of employees being actively engaged in their work. A significant 62% are not engaged, merely fulfilling minimal responsibilities, while 15% are actively disengaged. This lack of engagement contributes to an estimated $8.9 trillion loss in global GDP. (Gallup Engagement Report 2024)
The participants acknowledged the potential for full participation, but their performance fell short. Reflecting on their self-evaluation, I found myself justifying their lack of involvement, attributing it to the hot summer day or the more pessimistic and skeptical cultural tendencies in Germany. These rationalizations, though seemingly grounded in reality, were veils for my own reluctance to confront a deeper truth: I was indulging in the seductive, yet ultimately disempowering, role of the victim.
The allure of victimhood lies in its simplicity; it provides a convenient repository for our disappointments and shortcomings, absolving us of the need for introspection and growth. A powerful principle to understand is this:
"You either have reasons or results, but you never have both."
This concept encourages a shift from excuse-making to honest self-reflection. By maintaining a narrative of victimhood, individuals, and teams not only stifle their own personal and professional development but also undermine their capacity to lead effectively and achieve meaningful outcomes. John Maxwell famously states, "Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less." When one's influence is diminished, as reflected in the self-assessment of the participants (or your Employees as 2024 Gallup Engagement Report suggests), it serves as a clear signal that a change in approach is needed. This realization isn’t a critique of character or ability but an opportunity to gain insight into the effectiveness of one's leadership. By embracing responsibility and seeking growth, it becomes possible to transcend current limitations, seek out mentorship, and ultimately achieve different and new results.
The journey toward taking responsibility of one's life and influence is similar to the choice presented to Thomas Anderson in the iconic film The Matrix. Faced with the decision between the blue pill, signifying a return to the comfort of the known, and the red pill, symbolizing the daunting yet liberating quest for truth, Anderson's choice to embrace honesty marked his first step toward true agency. His subsequent transformation and challenges underscore the essence of responsibility: it is not about bearing blame, but about recognizing that we all live in a matrix of our own making.
This narrative extends beyond the ability of movies to embody a universal principle applicable to each of us. It invites us to ask fundamental ontological questions such as: “Who am I, and what was my input in this situation?”
It is a call to reject victimhood in favor of responsibility, to replace excuses with accountability, and to embrace the endless possibilities that come with generative leadership.
As we navigate the complexities of our lives and careers, let's remember that our personal growth comes from accepting all that we are and the actions we have taken. We are not victims of our circumstances; we have shaped them through our choices. Recognizing our role in authoring, creating and generating our experiences teaches us to take responsibility. Moreover, avoiding issues and suppressing feelings, thoughts, and parts of ourselves that we judge to be wrong does not make them disappear. If we leave internal conflicts unresolved, we often find ourselves facing similar situations again. To use the words of Fritz Perls, the father of the Gestalt Therapy approach: “What I resist, persists.”
By addressing these internal conflicts directly, we grow and move forward more effectively. As Carl R. Rogers said:
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
In conclusion, the transformation from an attitude of victimhood to one of responsibility is a profound and deeply personal journey. It demands courage, honesty, and an unwavering commitment to growth. While the path may be difficult, the rewards are immeasurable. By embracing responsibility for our lives and our impact on others, we unlock our potential to inspire, influence, and generate a different future.
With the words of one of my teachers, Chalmers Brothers:
“I invite you, I challenge you, as you leave here today, to be a more powerful observer of yourself and what you're up to in language and live with ongoing awareness and acceptance of your role as the author of your life.”
Let us embark on this journey with open hearts and minds, ready to transform challenges into opportunities for learning and growth.
Here's to your journey of becoming, and to the profound difference you are destined to make. Happy growing.